shley802 (shley802) wrote in i_hurt,
shley802
shley802
i_hurt

  • Mood:

HURTING

I HAVE BEEN THROUGH MORE STUFF THEN ANYONE SHOULD EVER GO THROUGH IN THERE LIFETIME. I REMEMBER WHAT IT WAS LIKE WAKING UP EACH MORNING THINKING WHAT IS MY MOM GOING TO DO  TO ME TODAY. CRYING MYSELF TO SLEEP EVERYNIGHT. WANTING TO FINALLY BELONG SOMEWHERE ANYWHERE AND THEN I MOVED AND I GOT MARRIED AND I THOUGHT I FINALLY DID IT I AM FINALLY HAPPY HAD MY SON AND THEN MY DAUGHTER.AND THEN IT ALL FELL APART HE BECAME  PHYSICALLY AND MENTALLY ABUSIVE. SO I GOT DIVORCED AND LOST MY BABIES IN THE PROCESS BECAUSE OF HIS MANIPULATIVE  WAYS. SO THERE LONELY ALL OVER AGAIN THEN THREE DAYS AFTER THE DIVORCE WAS FINALIZED I FIND OUT I AM PREGNANT AND THINGS START TO LOOK UP AGAIN I ENROLL IN SCHOOL GET MY GED AND THEN I  GET MY CERTIFICATE IN MEDICAL RECEPTION AND THEN I MET HIM  SO KIND AND GENTLE AND UNDERSTANDING . AND THEN  I MET HIS FRIENDS AND SLOWLEY THEY BECAME MY FAMILY THE ONLY FAMILY I HAD WITH ME WHEN I GAVE BIRTH TO NAT AND  THEN HE PROPOSED AND I THOUGHT FINALLY I BELONG I FIT IN!! BUT THE GROUP SLOWLY BEGAN TO FALL APART STARTING WITH TWO OF THEM BEINGSHIPPED TO IRAQ THEN  ONE GETTING ANOTHER FRIENDS GF PREGNANT!! AND THEN THERE WAS NONE THE TWO CAME BACK FROM IRAQ CHANGED NEVER TO BE THE SAME AGAIN AND SLOWLEY WE GREW APART. NOW ALL I HAVE IS MY FIANCE AND MY KIDS. BUT I FEEL EMPTY INSIDE LIKE THERE IS SOMETHING MISSING.  THERE ARE DAYS IJUST CANT GET OUT OF BED AND WHEN I DO I JUST WANT TO CRWL RIGHT BACK IN!! I FEEL LIKE I HAVE NOTHING TO SHOW FOR MY LIFE BESIDES MY TWO KIDS BUT I WANT MORE THEN  JUST BEING A MOM I WANT A LIFE A CAREER FRIENDS I AM SICK OF SITTING HOME EVERYDAY LISTENING TO OTHER PEOPLE TELL THERE STORIES OF WHAT THEY DID LAST NIGHT  AND ALL I CAN SAY IS I STAYED HOME  I HATE MY LIFE I HATE WTCHING OTHER PEOPLE HAVE ALIFE AND I DONT HAVE ONE I NEVER GOT TO HAVE ONE AND ITS NOT FAIR I WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE FRIENDS AND HAVE A CAREER AND BE HAPPY FOR ONCE I JUST WANT HAPPINESS IS THAT  TO MUCH TO ASK FOR!!!!

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